Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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