Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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