i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
