Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
