ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
