hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
