I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
