I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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