Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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