I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
