i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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