It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
