my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
