Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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