Can i not drive my cunt home
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
