Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
