I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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