i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
