so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
