Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
