I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
