you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
