I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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