I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
