I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
