i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize