we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
