just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Just took my morning after pill in the library
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
