she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
