The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
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