Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
