A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
they're like a gay fantastic four
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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