It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
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