I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
