Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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