Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Randomize
