We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize