we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
