I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
