So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
