I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
