The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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