i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
