I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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