Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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