my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
