hotel room ftw
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
