i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize