i think i have two assholes
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
