sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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