so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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