If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
not ubering you a puppy
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
