hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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