my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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