Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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