Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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