I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Fuck appropriateness.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
