I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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