Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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