I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
