My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
my liver is dry heaving
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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