good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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