maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
