Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
it was like his penis was on wheels.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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