I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I wear drunk well.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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