i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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