You made me cry and you don't even care
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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