well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize