My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
