So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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