I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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