We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
