the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
