i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
