I hate your face
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
