aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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