just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
