i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
