Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
