Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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