im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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