Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
