i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
